A new start
by Brittanawanky
Summary: She died, Jane.


A/N: **Thanks a bunch to my beta misspentyouthuk on tumblr! **  
A/N2: **I hope you all enjoy this story and will not hate me too much, it seems like I only have inspiration to write sad stories. ;3 **  
A/N3: **Warning! Major character**** death. **** These characters are not and never will be mine.**

* * *

''What are you doing?''

''I'm waiting.''

''Waiting for what?''

''For Maura to come back.''

''She isn't coming back, Jane.''

''Of course she's coming back, what are you talking about?''

''She died, Jane.''

* * *

It's been a month now, Maur. Please come back. I know you can't come back to me, but I wish I could just have one more minute with you and your beautiful smile. I wish I could see your honey blonde curls flowing through the wind one more time, or your dimple popping whenever I said something stupid. It's been too long, and I can't do anything about it. Since you've been gone I haven't gone to work, I asked for a personal time of absence, they let me take it. I haven't been outside for a while either, I can't stand the looks people give me. Like I'm some sick little bird who needs rescuing. I don't need rescuing, I just need you back.

* * *

Two months, and I'm still not back at work. My ma has been taking care of me real good, she's been cooking for me, you know. Sometimes I think I see you in our house, just standing in your walk-in closet, or cooking a delicious meal. Turns out it isn't really you, but just my imagination. Ma tells me I have to go see someone, to let my feelings all out, but that's why I'm writing you, aren't I? I still miss you, Maura. You were the only person I could talk to about anything. I miss your little facts, I miss you spewing out words I'd never heard of. I miss you. Please come back?

* * *

I see you everywhere, Maur. I think I'm going crazy. I sometimes even think I can smell you, sometimes even feel you whenever I'm laying in our bed in the dark. It's been four months.

* * *

I wish I could sleep forever, sometimes. Just so I can be happy with you forever, just like I am in my dreams. Ma told me I should sell our house and start over someplace new. I don't think I can do that Maura. I can't live without you. It's funny, because I am living without you. The house reminds me of you, your stuff is still where it used to be. I haven't touched your walk-in closet Maura. I sometimes carefully take your pyjamas from your side of the bed and smell them, just so I can smell you once more. The smell is almost gone, I wish I didn't smell it so many times.

* * *

I've been going to a psychiatrist. She helps me a lot, Maur. You would be proud of me. She told me the pain of losing you would get better over time, but I'm not so sure about that. I loved you, I still love you. You were my soul mate. She also says it's a good idea to start looking into selling our house, our house Maura! I didn't want to think about it too much when my ma suggested it, but now she suggested it too. She's smart Maura. Not smart like you, though. She says it's for the best, to have a fresh place all for myself, without painful memories. I don't want to forget about you, I said to her. She said I could bring some of your personal items, but no clothes. How am I supposed to smell you when I can't bring any of your clothing, Maura? I miss you.

* * *

It's been a little over a year now, Maura. I haven't seen you in a few months. I don't know if that's good or not. I'm not forgetting about you. I did it, I sold the house. I gave your clothes to a homeless shelter. I know you'd rather give your clothes to homeless people than for me to sell them to snobby people, right Maur? I do miss you, still. The bed is empty without the pillow you always slept on, or the pyjamas you always wore. It's empty without you. I also began working again, but I'm on desk duty. Lame, huh? It's better than nothing. People still look at me with sympathy, but I don't want that. I also don't want to hear how sorry they are that I lost you. But I am sorry, I'm sorry for letting you drive to the stores alone because I was too busy with a case. I'm sorry, Maura. I really am.

* * *

I met a woman two weeks ago, Maura. She's really nice. She's nothing like you, but maybe that's for the best. She works as a teacher, I met her while I was dropping TJ off. Oh, TJ has grown so big, Maura! He's such a handsome young man. Anyway, Anne, the woman I met, she's been nothing but nice to me. We've been on a few dates. It's been two years, I can't not live my life. You know I will always love you, and I'll never forget you.

* * *

I asked her to marry me Maura, and she said yes. She'll never be you, but I love her. We bought a house together eight months after our first date. And now, two years after our first date, we're engaged. I'm happy Maura. I'll never be as happy as I was when you were still with me, but I'm happy. I'll never forget the day we met, I'll never forget the day we had our first date, I'll never forget the day I moved into your house, I'll never forget the day I asked you to marry me, I'll never forget our wedding day. I'll also never forget your sparkling eyes, how they could change color depending on your mood. I love your eyes, Maura. I'll never forget your honey blonde hair, how it always perfectly fell onto your shoulders. I'll never forget how you spewed out facts, or how you never understood sarcasm. I'll never forget how we loved each other. But most importantly, I'll never forget you.

* * *

I love you, Maura Dorthea Isles. I always have and I always will.

* * *

**Edit: Thank you all so, so much for all the positive PM's you've send my way. I appreciate it a lot! I've put my time and effort in this story and it means so much to me that you all like it, and I even brought tears to people's eyes. Amazing! I love you all, take care. **


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